


never mind (i'll find someone like you)

by jockkurthummel (procrastinationfairy)



Series: rumour has it universe [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-15 01:16:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3432680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/procrastinationfairy/pseuds/jockkurthummel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>or four times blaine anderson told himself he needed to get over kurt hummel</p>
            </blockquote>





	never mind (i'll find someone like you)

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired to write more in this universe. I don't think anyone really understands how much thought I've put into this. I really love this AU.

i. guess she gave you things i didn't give to you

Blaine can't imagine loving anyone more than he loves Kurt.  He knows how people talk, but Blaine can't bring himself to thinking there's anything wrong with the way he feels about his best friend.  It's such a good feeling.  Nothing can touch that.

(Besides, Blaine has looked online.  There may be a lot of people who claim that this is unnatural, but there are also a lot of people that are like him, or maybe not like him but still different, and they all exist.  This is who they are, and it's okay.  That's what those people say, and Blaine has to prefer their ideas to the ones that say he deserves to die for loving Kurt.)

He thinks Kurt feels the same.

Blaine can't explain it, but there's some sort of tension when they're in the room together.  It makes Blaine want to touch Kurt, hold Kurt, kiss Kurt, love Kurt, and he's been too scared to reach out like that yet, but it seems obvious that they're going to do that one day.  He can see it in the way Kurt looks at him, the way his eyes soften, and the way he lets Blaine sit a little closer to him than he does anyone else.  There's something special between them.  Blaine thinks Kurt is his one true love.

And then there's the phone call.

Blaine has always loved his after-school phone calls with Kurt.  They don't have classes together, but they can talk.  And it's almost better outside of school, where no one is listening, and it's just them.  Blaine loves the sound of Kurt's voice in his ear.  He loves to curl up with a blanket and pretend Kurt is with him, pretend Kurt is holding him and that they're having a nice little cuddle-chat.  These thoughts warm Blaine's chest.

And then Kurt says, "I'm going out with Brittany."

It takes a few moments for Blaine to respond.  Everything he knows is falling apart.  Kurt can't be dating a girl.  He's supposed to like Blaine.  They're supposed to be in love.  They're supposed to wait for marriage to become legal, and then they're supposed to get married and be amazing together.  Blaine had it all planned out.

He doesn't remember the rest of the conversation.  As soon as Kurt hangs up, Blaine pulls his blanket over his head and cries, but silently, because he knows he can't let his parents hear him.  He can't be weak.

Blaine wonders what Brittany has that he doesn't.  He wonders if it's her pretty blonde hair or her nice smile or her attitude.  Blaine knows the truth.  He knows it's because she's a girl.  He knows that that's why Kurt won't love him.  Blaine is a boy, and he's always going to be a boy, and that means he's not what Kurt wants.  Kurt wants Brittany, pretty and sweet and a girl.  It doesn't matter what else Blaine has to offer ( _his love, his heart, his whole self_ ) because Blaine can't be a girl for Kurt.

When the tears stop coming, Blaine decides that he has to move on.

ii. but i couldn't stay away i couldn't fight it

Animal is what gives him hope.

It's kind of stupid.  Kurt didn't even want to sing with him.  He was going to ask Brittany, but Brittany and Santana partner up.  So Blaine took a chance and asked Kurt, and they agreed.

"I want to sing Animal," Blaine says when they meet up at Kurt's house to practice.  Kurt gives him a look, and he continues, "Animal by Neon Trees.  Um . . . here we go again, I kinda wanna be more than friends."  He can't fight the smile as he sings, knowing that he's  _really_ singing to Kurt.

Kurt doesn't seem to notice.  "Oh, yeah, I know that song," he says.

"So we can sing it?" Blaine asks, as he grabs Kurt's laptop and starts searching for sheet music online (which may be a  _little_ illegal, but Blaine doesn't have a car to take him to Between the Sheets, okay). _  
_

Kurt shrugs.  And the duet comes, and Kurt is giving him this look, and maybe they're pretending to sing to their girlfriends, but it makes Blaine hope.

So Blaine comes out.  He doesn't want to hide who he is.  He tells everyone at school, he tells his parents, he tells Cooper, he tells anyone he can.  Blaine is gay, and he's happy with it.  He doesn't care what anyone else thinks.

Except he does.  He doesn't like the way his dad doesn't quite know how to look at him anymore.  He doesn't like the way some of the teachers don't smile at him like they used to.  He doesn't like the way some kids at school glare at him.  And he doesn't like the way Kurt no longer talks to him.

It hurts.  It hurts more than a flat rejection would.

He sees Kurt in the hallways still.  He sees Kurt with Brittany, and he sees Kurt kiss Brittany, and even though Blaine knows that Kurt doesn't like him (may despise him, may hate everything he is), Blaine still can't help but imagine what it would be like to be the one kissing Kurt.

He can't hate Brittany, of course.  Maybe that stings a little bit too.  Brittany is sweet and kind, and she bought him a shirt with a dolphin because "dolphins are gay sharks".  She still talks to him and treats him like a normal person.  Brittany is a great person.

And worst of all, she says, "I'm sorry Kurt hasn't . . . been great.  I'll try talking to him for you."

So Blaine resigns himself to getting over Kurt Hummel.  If Kurt isn't gay and doesn't even want to be friends with a gay guy and is perfectly happy with his perfect girlfriend, there's nothing Blaine can do to change that.

(But he still wants Kurt  _so bad_.)

iii. i wish nothing but the best for you two

When Kurt tells Blaine that he's slept with Santana, Blaine feels sick.  He knows that Kurt has slept with Brittany.  But it's easier to pretend that that's a one-person-thing, and soon Kurt will realize that he's gay (or even bi) and he'll fall in love (and maybe bed but who can blame Blaine for hoping for that? Kurt is hot, and Blaine is a horny teenager) with Blaine, when it's just Brittany.  It's even easier to think this when there's the rumor of Santana being gay.

Blaine knows how horrible people at McKinley treat non-heterosexuals.  He feels bad for Santana; he really does.  They were never especially close, even when they were dating, but he hates that she has to deal with this.  But if she's gay, then Kurt was her beard, and what if she was  _his_ beard?

Blaine can't it.  That would make everything different.  It would make the silly half-hearted duets in Kurt's room mean more.  It would mean that those long looks he thought he sometimes caught Kurt giving him were real.  It would mean there was a possibility that Kurt felt half as much towards Blaine as Blaine felt towards Kurt.

But if they've slept together, then what does Blaine have to hope for?

"What are you upset for?  It's not like I had sex with her while you were dating," he hears Kurt say, his tone biting and awful and Blaine hates himself for loving Kurt sometimes.  He doesn't understand how he can love someone who can say such horrible things and treat him so horribly and be _so horrible_.  And when he looks up into Kurt's eyes, he doesn't see that gentleness, that kindness, that made him fall in love.  (He barely sees anything of the boy he fell in love with, not the kind eyes, not the gentle smile, not the clothes or the music or the unashamedly Kurt-ness.)

Blaine slams his hands on the table and stands up.  "You know, Kurt, you're such a prick sometimes," he bites out and grabs his tray, storming out of the cafeteria.

He won't cry.  He won't.  This is not the boy he fell in love with.  He shouldn't cry over the horrible person Kurt Hummel has become.

Even as he thinks this, tears fill his eyes.  Still, Blaine tells himself that he's crying over the loss of a boy, who, in all honesty, was probably lost long ago.  Blaine was just holding on too long.

As soon as Blaine let go and moved on, everything would be better.

iv. who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

 _I need to get over him_ , is the first thought that comes to Blaine's mind when he wakes up in bed with Kurt.

Well, no, it's not the first.  The first is  _God, I love him_.  It's not even the second.  (That's  _Holy shit, last night was amazing; I feel amazing.  Is that sex or just Kurt?_ )  And then there are some others, like  _What can I do to get Kurt into bed with me again?_ or  _He's so cute when he's sleeping_ , but eventually that thought does surface.  It pulls everything good in Blaine's heart down and twists itself around his stomach.  He does need to get over Kurt.  He knows this.  He can't keep pining after his best friend.  It makes him miserable, and it only ever seems to cause problems between them.

The problem is that Blaine doesn't know how to go about his life  _not_ loving Kurt.  He feels like he's done it his whole life.  He's at least done it for the majority of his life, and he doesn't think he can just shake that off.  He doesn't even want to, really.  He  _loves_ Kurt; he feels it from his toes to his ears.  Every time he looks at Kurt, affection fills his heart, and he doesn't want that to stop, because when loving Kurt isn't painful (which is unfortunately most of the time), it's amazing.

And as he looks at Kurt lying next to him, he can't imagine not loving him.  Blaine reaches out and strokes Kurt's hair, knowing he won't wake him.  Kurt is a deep sleeper.  That's the kind of thing you know about your best friends.  Blaine knows Kurt better than anyone, and he knows that he can stroke Kurt's hair and pretend for a moment that they're together.

"I love you," Blaine whispers, and it's the only sound that fills the dark room.  Under normal circumstances, Blaine would worry about someone overhearing him, but Kurt had said that his parents were gone, and Finn had mentioned that he was staying with someone or another.  Blaine and Kurt are alone, and it's 5:24 am, and Blaine is in bed with the boy he loves, the boy he had sex with last night (or this morning, Blaine thinks, remembering that they hadn't come home until pretty late).  "I love you so much, Kurt."

The words feel bitter and heavy on his tongue.  Blaine hates that they feel that way.  He imagines that I love yous should be sweet and light.

He doesn't think they could be that way unless he knew Kurt would respond in kind.  He knows that's never going to happen.


End file.
